Where does a tantrum come from?
Not every expression of anger or defiance is like a tantrum. Infants break free, stomp their feet on the floor or get so stiff that you can not get them in the buggy - and yet have no tantrum or Koller. A real tantrum is even more special: it happens when your child emotionally blows a fuse. Once a real tantrum has set in, you can not just turn it off or tell your child to stop it immediately.
A tantrum is most likely when a lot of frustration - often coupled with fear or worry - has accumulated in the toddler. And then the tension is so great that it can only discharge explosively. Sometimes the tension builds up very slowly. There may be days when you suspect at midday that a Koller approaches. But you're in luck and everything stays calm until bedtime.
Sometimes such a tantrum comes out of the blue - and then it actually seems like an internal fuse has blown because somebody pressed the wrong button. During the tantrum, a toddler is overwhelmed by his inner anger, completely trapped in his inner world and overwhelmed by fierce emotions that he can not control. Your child's tantrums may be unpleasant for you, but they are even worse for your child.
What happens during a tantrum?
Children behave differently when they get a real Koller. But with your child, the outbursts of rage will probably always look similar: maybe your little one will roar through the room roaring with anger. Then remember that your child has lost control of his feelings and that everything that gets in his way gets knocked over.
If you do not protect your child, it may bump into furniture or run against walls. Maybe it also throws itself screaming on the floor and pedaling with all fours, as if it would fight with demons. Anyone who comes too close to your child will be kicked - so be careful when lifting your angry child.
Some children scream so long and persistently that they become hoarse until they choke or even vomit. Or they roar until their face turns blue and they can not breathe for a moment before exhaling.
Tantrums, where the child can not breathe for a moment, are the worst for parents. Sometimes the children do not breathe for so long that they get gray in the face and almost faint.
But it is quite impossible for a child to be harmed by it. The body's reflexes make sure that breathing starts again and air enters the lungs before there is any real danger.
When do the tantrums begin? And will they stop?
Even though especially toddlers are notorious for tantrums, even babies who are nine months old can have such a tantrum. And the percentage of four-year-olds throwing themselves down in the middle of a supermarket and kicking wild is higher than many parents admit!
Read tips from other parents on how to cope with stressful situations.