I've been in this group for a few days now and have only read at first, but now my own dilemma is so great that I just have to cry out.
I have been with my husband for 8 years together, 4 of them are married. In August 2017, our 1st Wunschkind came to the world. In August 2018 we bought a house (available from April 2019). In December 2018, my husband first told me that he was not sure if he still felt love for me.
Since January we are doing a couple therapy, honestly it has done everything worse than better. We now live separately and have fixed days who has our 17-month daughter.
Honestly, I'm just desperate right now. I did not see that coming! I love my husband, but he has turned away from me - as the therapist sees it. One time I asked for another woman, but they are not supposed to and my husband is totally out of sorts. He's so cold to me and no matter what I try, it seems like I can not please him and nothing can bring him closer (which is why I secretly believe in another woman) ... He's already in his head to have buried our marriage! But he does not seem to have the backbone to tell me that!
The result of the last couple therapy was: no contact with each other, which would not be necessary by our daughter and wait, if we then see more clearly, where the journey goes.
How long should I wait please? The therapist said "Then you take the decision from your husband!" - he would have liked ... So that he can tell everywhere that I have left him ??? In couples therapy, he also always portrays me as the culprit for all evil, but there are two of them for every fight!
The quarrels with my husband are just one side of this very sad medal. On the other hand, there is simply the fear of my future. Doing everything alone with the child, being alone in life, looking for a flat, the mountain debt that we have because of the home purchase - so of course I did not want that and I just do not know how to cope with the situation.
Maybe someone has a tip on how I can survive the days?
I just think of my husband, cry a lot and have in my head 1001 horror scenarios, which could bring me the future. Concentrating on my daughter sometimes strikes me hard, as stupid as that is ...
I'm really desperate!
- reply - 1: difficult situation.
That it goes on to continue (we are all single and have to make it somehow, in some there is not even a helping or paying child father!) That everything can be regulated by lawyers is already clear, but NOW is not yet off , Therefore, try to focus on your current feelings. Unfortunately, you have to feel and live to get through. At the end and by far one goes out "strongly" out of such a situation. But it's a long way and this information probably will not get you going any further.
I think it's good if you honestly mention your love for him as a couple and do not take the step that HE has to take because the whole seems to come from him.
My impression is also that he has something to hide, e.g. another woman. Because men need i.d. R. "something new" before you can finish "the old one". Too bad he can not be honest about that!
If you have a conversation with a mediator again, I would once again express my feelings for him, saying that you could not understand all this, but now willing to give in to his desire for final separation. But one question he should answer you honestly, so you can handle the whole better: what is the real reason for your behavior change? (Feelings do not disappear overnight, and you're not together for 25-50 years ...)
All the best for you - and head up!
- reply - 2: Hello KathSe
Have just read your story.
Sounds very difficult for you now because your husband is the one who does not know.
But I can not imagine that there is another, because why would he want to do a couple therapy with you, if there really is someone new in his life?
So for me it sounds illogical, but as I said 100%, of course you can not say it.
But if you want to give it some hope, try to give it some time, maybe it just takes a break and then maybe you notice how strong your feelings are to you.
I know it sounds "stupid" but now try to focus on you and your daughter. Try to distract yourself by family / girlfriends and give him time.
If he loves you, he'll notice what he's missing.
I wish you a lot of strength and that it comes as you wish it ...