Question:I would like to hear your assessment of the following situation:
3 children aged 3 years played in the playground in a wooden playhouse. The one boy, let's call him x, was not let into the playhouse by the other kids. They closed the door in his face. The boy x runs around the playhouse, as if frightened, and sees that the other boy, let's call him y, looks out the window of the playhouse. X runs and slams the wood shutters with full force against the head of y. Y survived the situation well, only his finger hurts. The mother of y then addresses the mother of x, why she would say nothing to her child (scold, enlighten, etc.). The mother of x: "I taught my child to defend himself when other children are mean to him, the other boy y was not allowed to lock x out, so he (x) should and must use force.
Do you find the attitude of the mother of x ok?
How would you react if y was your child, and he would have hurt himself (laceration or similar)
As a bystander, the situation has kept me busy.
- reply - 1: I would not talk to the other mother, but to the children. If my child was x I would go to him and ask why y is not allowed in the house, after all, the playhouse is there for everyone. If my child was y, I would ask x the same thing, and if y still refuses my son, so let x play along, I would console my son and try to arouse his interest in other things. I think it's basically good if children regulate their own problems, but if physical violence comes to it or one of the children looks for help seeking help I would mediate.
- reply - 2: The behavior of child x does not work. Although it was mean of y, but something happens more often. There are enough other ways for x to solve this situation, e.g. Talk, leave, turn to Mom. These possibilities should be known and used by child x and it is the responsibility of mother x to introduce her to her child. However, I'd also like to explain to your child why kid had done so, so that kid y can get that, and act differently next time. Vll had good reasons to exclude x because something did not fit. Vll it also belonged to the game, which only x did not understand. The reason for the exclusion could be found out and then propose appropriate action alternatives.
- reply - 3: I think the attitude of the mother is not ok. The problem of being locked out does not justify violence that causes injuries. It depends on the proportionality of the means to solve a problem. This concerns the parents in their educational task at first, not the children themselves.
X has been locked out by 2 children, so y has not acted alone. Talk about it matter-of-factly with the mother of X. The children should be there and asked for their assessment of the situation. This allows them to learn to solve conflicts.
It seems important to me that the parents in question see this problem from the perspective of all 3 children. A good opportunity to practice community.
- reply - 4: Did she really say that? That he should and must use force? So literally?
Or just that he should fight back?
- reply - 5: I think the behavior of X and Y is wrong. Why is one "allowed" to complain and one not to complain? And: Did the child really want to hurt the child, or did it want to exclude the two as well as exclude them?
- reply - 6: Oh man. There are people .. I found the proportions of both mothers not right. Each of us as a mother must teach our children not to use force and also have to prevent it in time. On the other hand, mother of y is also guilty for telling his child that he must allow x into the playhouse. They are children ... we are not anymore
- reply - 7: How old are the children?
I think that both children did not react correctly!
because x could have pinched something, where the door was shut!
- reply - 8: I report the mother's answer with the message button and delete it.
At least here seems to work well
- reply - 9: Sorry now I see the age! I would have acted where x was locked out, since they are still very young.
so both moms are wrong!
Myself would often be locked out because he is 2 and the other 3, and he is angry and angry, and the other parents have not seen what happened and look funny at me. Or he could take things that he's playing with and he gets angry and sometimes hacks, and I stopped him or took him away. But my child was seen as aggressive, who can not share and the others are not. Although the others yes, his game disturbed and wanted to take away his toys.
- reply - 10: And now generally. This advice: if someone annoys you, you can use force, can only go backwards. Some of you should soon feel annoyed.