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Desire for a stillbirth


hello you love, I'm new here and have only talked about a few people about our history. I've been with my husband since I'm 15 years old. My first big (youth) love. In August 2013 we got a healthy, joyful son. He is our luck! At the end of July 2016, the ET would have been for our second son. In the 20.SSW it turned out, however, that he is no longer growing properly and that the placenta is much too large. This message has pulled the ground from under our feet. Until then, everything had always been ok. The next few weeks were filled with many examinations and hospital stays. Until we finally had a diagnosis, I was already in the 27.ssw. The little one moved normally and I did not feel that something was wrong. The placenta had a complete trisomy 2 and the small man a mosaic shape (30%). Such a constellation has so far been only 18 times documented in the world. Thus, there are hardly any comparative values. Only one of the children survived the birth and is severely disabled several times. In the meantime the little one was getting worse and worse, one could see that he had no strength left to grow and he moved less. There were three options for us: 1. we let him go and carry him out until he falls asleep by himself, 2. we'll get him sooner and do everything humanly possible or 3. we redeem him and are with him. We did not know what we should do. I am a pediatric nurse and my motto was always to do everything to save lives. But we also have our first son, who has a right to a carefree childhood!
On the day we wanted to decide again, a very big ultrasound was made. The little one was very bad and showed us that he would not make it in the world. We decided to walk with him the path of falling asleep. The hardest decision in the world. Meanwhile we played his music box and I tried to stay as calm as possible. Only then did I collapse. He was stillborn on 5/5/16 with 510g. I miss him so much, but life with our great one continues. We are so happy about the little sunshine. Without him, we would not have put it that well. Now some time has passed since then and we have been practicing for three months to enlarge our family. In a few days, I know more, pushes our thumbs! By writing now I could finally cry again ... How are you? Best regards, Sternenmama


  • reply - 1: Dear Star Mama,
    I am usually not a person who writes in forums but only reads, but now I feel the need to interact with others.
    I tell you my story
    I learned to recognize my current husband at work and we both knew it would work. Otherwise, I always laughed at people who spoke of love at first sight but had a snap at Michael's: D It all happened quickly in March 2015, I dropped the pill and in December, I was pregnant. It was perfect, we moved into our dream apartment with garden before, the wedding was planned and now the desired child was on the way. Until 07.03.2016 .... too little amniotic fluid. The next day we were at the specialist from too little was no amniotic fluid. It came out Anton had no urinary tract and no kidneys, chance of survival if he survived the birth for a maximum of 12 hours. We had to wait just as you decide until he wants to go to the world on his own, which also means that he could die in our belly or finish earlier. On 23.03 he came with 450g still in the world.
    Our desire for children is still strong and we know that no child will replace it. But what hurts me again and again are the comments of others, some of the family. Why do we want a child again because "something" happened ....
    Well, we still work on our family and hope to have a little sunshine with us soon so that the star is not alone in the heart.
    I'm sorry that the text has become so long but it was good to write it down.
    Greetings Anna
  • reply - 2: Dear Anna, I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that! It's really good to write that from the soul. Yes, some thoughtless comments hurt a lot ... (you're still young, you already have one, it was not really a human right yet ...) you get to know people from the other side and you can be generous sort out who does you good and who does not. I wholeheartedly keep my fingers crossed that you will soon have a positive test and then hold a healthy baby in your arms! Can I also like to write personally if you like. best regards
  • reply - 3: Hello you, Star Mum, I am also very new here. I am a star of the stars since 09.09. at and it was similar to Anna, 6 years ago love at first sight, pulled into our dream home, dog brought together, wedding and then as a coronation our first baby, I always thought how perfect everything is suddenly, because I do not My dearest childhood and my husband did not. We wanted to give all our love to our child for life, unconditionally. 34. Weeks of anticipation, every precaution was great and nothing conspicuous until a few weeks ago, the weight, even there it was only "just tender" until the day when we in a clinic a doctor asked if we never in the prevention were, our baby has trisomy 18, not compatible with life, he said. We had our baby but almost in the arms ... now she is dead and somehow I died with her inside. I do not know where to go with my physical feelings. I love my Marie so much, she is / was perfect, the nose, the lips everything ... my husband immediately realized that he wants a sibling for her and he wants nothing more in this world than having his baby alive in his arms He thought yesterday that the thought of having a sibling for her is the only reason for him to try to survive it, he wants to be a dad in this world as well. Every day we talk about our dream child Marie our princess but that does not solve the need for a breathing baby but makes it worse because my sister is in the same Ssw as I would be and that is so hard for all of us. For me, the idea of ​​a follow-up pregnancy but connected with great anxiety, should I take my second child again so late, I do not know what I do .... and I do not know when my body is even so far .... What was it like with you? best regards
  • reply - 4: Hello apples5!
    I am very sorry for what you had to go through! Was even later than ours ... Our stars will always be with us.
    After the week's flow came to me after 26 days again a normal period. Man should according to the doctors once again have a normal cycle and then try again. Then surely everything is out of the uterus outside. On the other hand, your body will not allow a pregnancy if it is not ready for it.
  • reply - 5: Huhu, until the 20ssw the SS ran smoothly. Our boys were looking forward to their little brother. Then, at 2 gr ultrasound, my Fa struck a big bump on Johannes's head. The Specialist came out, where the brain is only water (detailed report see here in the forum). We decided for the fetozide. Johannes was born silent with 680g and 32cm in the 23 + 4, took many photos of him.
    One year after the failed ... diagnosis, I was allowed to see a fruit cave in the Fa. One day before Johannes first star birthday I was allowed to see the heart beat of our mouse. I'm just in the 30ssw. Et from our mouse is the 22.12.
    For questions, just ask.
    lg monique
  • reply - 6: Hello Monique, wiiie nice then you have "only" 10 more weeks! Toi toi toi :-) Did you consciously wait for the year? With me came now after only 4 weeks the Mens again and we should practice again. I am completely unfounded afraid never to have a baby ...
    Did you let an FU do it? Did you have anxiety in the current SS?
    I hug you
  • reply - 7: Huhu, I was scared to 21ssw, then I had the second gr us and four days the fine diagnostics. Had the nfm on prescription. We waited until the actual et (september) and at the end of march, on vacation, it worked out. a little bit of fear stays with every appointment.

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