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Partner does not want a second child



Question:

Hello my dears.
I write here eich times because I said no one has anyone who understands me ... vllt here yes jmd? Or jmd in the same situation?
I had a last conversation with my husband. General about the future, etc. Since he said that he wants no more children and our daughter thus remains a single child. Until this conversation, it was always called we wait for how everything comes from, etc. ... that was a shock for me! I always wanted 2 kids. Also for my daughter !!! I myself had many situations where I was soooo happy to have my sister and not to be alone! I wish for my daughter too .... that she has jmd!
I feel iwie not complete ... do not understand please not wrong! I'm overjoyed to have a healthy daughter! I love her more than anything!
I also know that two children mean a lot of stress but still I really wish that so much :(
is that over? Can I find this? What should I do?

Reply:

  • reply - 1: I would like to encourage you and comfort you but do not know how.
    I also wanted two children in the past
    After my first worries and uncertainty and how everything came I did not want to do that again.

    I was satisfied with the one. But I have always made a head that he will be alone later.

    Now life can not be planned so far.
    Sometimes siblings do not play with each other and get out of the way.

    And now to my story.
    After separating from the partner my big one now even has two little siblings he loves both and he has his friends.
    So in vain thought.

  • reply - 2: This is really a very difficult situation, because if your decision to have only 1 child is irrevocable, then there is no compromise (1.5 children are not).

    So what can you do? I do not know your husband:
    - in some cases: constant dripping hollowed out the stone. To remind you again and again what your wish is or urge you to do in greater distances.
    - For others, the opposite is the case and the fronts harden. Here it would be better to let the topic completely rest for a longer time (at least 1 year) and then try again and again with luck. Only you can judge what the better tactics are.
    - maybe both will not help either. His desire for only 1 child is just as legitimate as yours after 2 children. His will is as important as yours, you have to make that clear every now and then. Then you have to think about whether the partnership is more important to you or the desire for a second child and possibly draw conclusions.
    - Of course there is still the variation of the under cheering. I do not think so, but in the end everyone has to deal with his or her own.

  • reply - 3: Yes, I do not believe in any cheering, both of you have to want it 100%. It concerns the whole further life of both. I leave the subject now because it just makes me even sadder. It's hard because many ask when the sibling comes ... I respect of course his will but have to fight it already! I hope I can handle it!
    Thank you for your answer!
  • reply - 4: I can understand you well, even if luckily I'm not affected myself  
    how do you actually prevent? I also know 2 couples, where the man officially did not want children (more), but also knew that the woman did not prevent. Since then it was so that the man was initially good with condom prevented, but then became more and more schleissiger and ups, at some point it will happen then. I do not see that as under-cheering in the classical sense and maybe even a hidden desire of the man is behind it ...
  • reply - 5: I take the pill ...
    vllt yes, the wish comes with him iwann but ... I hope so!
  • reply - 6: Maybe you could drop her off and take him into the charge. Let's see how strict he then pursues his wish ...
  • reply - 7: My husband did not want a second child in the meantime. With us, the constant drops helped and we are now tinkering even on the third dwarf  

  • reply - 8: Dear Jula!
    I can totally understand your feelings. My husband was not concerned that he did not want a (further) child, but he pushed family planning further and further back. When asked when we want to have a child, there was always a "sometime" over two years. When a good friend told me about her pregnancy, I could not anymore. I cried and told him that I do not want to wait any longer, the desire to have children was too overpowering. His reaction: I did not know it was that important to you. 10 months later we welcomed our August Wonder.
    What are the reasons that keep your husband? Does he understand the urgency of your desire? Because, of course, it is important to respect his wishes, on the other hand, men often keep rational reasons for children. While the desire to have a baby is totally emotional and burning in the heart ...
    I think Karina's suggestion that he should take him into account regarding contraception is good. If he does not want a child, then he can take care of it. Why should you pump yourself full of hormones?
    I hope you two find a solution that will make you both happy! Are you depressed.
  • reply - 9: Just like us. My partner has always spoken of a 'categorical NO' to the second child. That really nagged in me - especially when someone was pregnant with the second again. Three of us just did not feel completely. And then the penny fell when we were on vacation and he watched our 2 year old daughter playing with the 1 year old of our friends. The two were so happy and happy. For the first time the sentence came from him: "Maybe a second child is not such a bad idea." And now he is completely infatuated with our second sunshine. And the two girls actually play a lot together.
  • reply - 10: I can join the other girls here. With my husband, it was always a NO to the second child. The big one (10) is not from him, but we are together when he was one year old. I thought in the beginning times, I'm pregnant and he was out of thin air at that time and said: "please do not, you are in the middle of the divorce and we are just starting to build up later wor would like to talk about it, but at the moment it's a disaster. "
    At the time I saw it that way. After 2 years of relationship, I started to hook up again and again. It was always later. After 3 years we got married and my desire for a child with him became bigger, but with him what it NO then !!!!! It almost drove me crazy. At work, my tears have already gone when a pregnant woman came in or someone with a baby.
    I really really annoyed my husband and there have been so many quarrels.

    He always said, "If you really want one more child, then you have to find another."

    It hurt me so much because the starting point was actually another one.

    I cried so often because of it and he could not understand it. By the way, my friends are not, but they are mothers whose children are as old as my big one and just finished. At that time I was a very young mom with 22. My girlfriends are all about 40 45. By the way, my husband too.

    Long talk short ...

    I also thought about whether the pill falls into the Gulli by accident, but that is utter nonsense.

    One evening when it came again to the topic and he again with his .... then you have to look for another looking geschmarri came, I looked at him and said:
    "I really love you very much and I do not want to lose you but then I'll look for another one.

    Then he looked at the floor and was silent for 5 minutes ...

    Then he looked at me and said, "well let's try it."
    After 4 months I was pregnant ...

    I asked him why he was so meeeeeega against it, and it came out that he was afraid that I would not get pregnant and so I'm not disappointed he said no ...

    Today he is the happiest dad in the world

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