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Desire for a child after a silent birth


hello you love, I'm new here and have only talked about a few people about our history. I have been with my husband since I was 15 (almost 15 years). My first big (youth) love. In August 2013 we got a healthy, joyful son. He is our luck! At the end of July 2016, the ET would have been for our second son. In the 20.SSW it turned out, however, that he is no longer growing properly and that the placenta is much too large. This message has pulled the ground from under our feet. Until then, everything had always been ok. The next few weeks were filled with many examinations and hospital stays. Until we finally had a diagnosis, I was already in the 27.ssw. The little one moved normally and I did not feel that something was wrong. The placenta had a complete trisomy 2 and the small man a mosaic shape (30%). Such a constellation has so far been only 18 times documented in the world. Thus, there are hardly any comparative values. Only one of the children survived the birth and is severely disabled several times. In the meantime the little one was getting worse and worse, one could see that he had no strength left to grow and he moved less. There were three options for us: 1. we let him go and carry him out until he falls asleep by himself, 2. we'll get him sooner and do everything humanly possible or 3. we redeem him and are with him. We did not know what we should do. I am a pediatric nurse and my motto was always to do everything to save lives. But we also have our first son, who has a right to a carefree childhood!
On the day we wanted to decide again, a very big ultrasound was made. The little one was very bad and showed us that he would not make it in the world. We decided to walk with him the path of falling asleep. The hardest decision in the world. Meanwhile we played his music box and I tried to stay as calm as possible. Only then did I collapse. He was stillborn on 5/5/16 with 510g. I miss him so much, but life with our great one continues. We are so happy about the little sunshine. Without him, we would not have put it that well. Now some time has passed since then and we have been practicing for three months to enlarge our family. In a few days, I know more, pushes our thumbs! By writing now I could finally cry again ... How are you? Best regards, Sternenmama


  • reply - 1: Dear Star Mama,

    I'm really sorry that you had to experience it. Luckily you still have your sunshine :) Also I had a quiet birth - in June I had to let my little daughter go in the 24th SSW. It would have been our first child. Grief is unimaginable, but it gets better.

    From this month we want to try again. I'm a bit nervous, but also scared. One up and down. But we want to take it easy. I am in maternity protection until November and am now slowly getting back to work.
    How do you feel about trying again?
    LG Mimi

  • reply - 2: Hello Mini, thanks for your answer! I'm sorry about yours
    Girl! Until the calculated date of the little star I was not ready yet. We had tried, but actually I was relieved that it had not worked out. Now I always hope that it works, until now it was just nothing. I'm a little scared if I'm not too cramped with another pregnancy. Until then, I had seen everything rather relaxed. Do you do extra extra exams now, or rather not. What was it for you? Best regards,
  • reply - 3: Oh yes, I understand the fear. I am sure that I will not be as relaxed as the first time. Just because I had to learn painfully that it just does not always go out well. Our little one had a tumor on the thymus. As a result, the heart was displaced, the lungs could not develop. She had stored a lot of water, and I had too much amniotic fluid and the placenta was full of water. In the end, I was also physically very poor. Eventually her heart stopped beating, she just could not make it :(
    At diagnosis a amniotic fluid examination was made. Genetic errors could be ruled out and there is no increased risk of recurrence. However, this disease is also very rare. In fact, it was not possible to tell us the exact diagnosis until after the autopsy.
    So hmmmmm our midwife said that of course for the second child all examinations are provided and you can look more closely, etc. But what does that do? You can not prevent it. I'm very zwiegespalten. When I learned in the 20th week that she was ill, I decided to let her decide for herself. That was the right decision for me.
    I really can not imagine that something like that could happen to me again.

  • reply - 4: Oh man, the poor little mouse! I am glad that she was allowed to walk with you in the stomach. So she was not "alone" and had her usual environment. It always comforts me a bit when I think about it. I think I will only do a more detailed investigation again if something is conspicuous. Can I write privately, then we keep up to date. It is sad and beautiful at the same time to see that one is not alone and several women have to carry their parcels! I wish you a nice weekend!
  • reply - 5: Yes, on the one hand you have the feeling that so much can happen and on the other hand, there are not sooooo many people, who then are relatively brave enough to try it again :)

    somehow I can not write you private or I'm too stupid for it; D
    You may also like to write me. :)


  • reply - 6: Hello.
    I'm sorry with you. My son Gabriel was born silent on the 1.6.16 in the 14th week. He had trisomy 13 with a heart defect, enlarged urinary bladder, etc., and he would not have made it to birth. I too faced the decision to carry it on or leave it. I decided to leave with a very heavy heart. The birth was initiated and about 40 hours later he was there. I was also offered to do a scraping right away. But I could not stand the thought of a scraping. Unfortunately my husband could not handle it well during the time, so I gave birth to Gabriel alone in the hospital. I still have two healthy boys (five and seven years old) that my husband took care of in the time.

    My two boys are also the ones who help me to enjoy life again. It took us four years to get pregnant with Gabriel and now I'm almost 42. Nevertheless, we decided to go further. Friday is my NMT, I hardly keep it from impatience!

    I always think that Gabriel comes back to us, but this time in a healthy body!

    Best regards and good luck

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