Question:We have a big problem with our daughter (5 years) in kindergarten. Due to a dispute among us parents, we are unfortunately also neighbors, they extend the dispute on the children. We were always in favor of keeping the kids out of it completely. Now it is a good quarter of a year that the daughter of our neighbors threatens our daughter, beats, kicks. We would all be holes anyway, they wanted to get us ready. Her parents said she should do that with our daughter. It goes so far that she presses my daughter against the wall, with her hands or elbow on her neck and she threatens, if she would say anything, her big brother would come and beat her up. Or she says they come to our apartment at night, beat everything in a nutshell and kill us. Another time she tells her she's coming to our apartment with her parents, killing our two cats, then our son, then me, and finally, so she can have a look at everything, my daughter. Or she tells my daughter I could not pick her up, that I'm dead. It would have been bad in our apartment while she's in kindergarten.
These are just a few examples. Unfortunately, so far no educator has yet heard what's happening there. But I do not think that my daughter thinks that out. Because similar things my son gets told by their son in school.
My son has developed psychosomatic headaches. My daughter has nightmares and often goes to bed at night. Of course, he does not want to go to kindergarten anymore.
Conversations with the parents have brought nothing earlier. The youth welfare office does not feel responsible. In school and kindergarten stamped the whole as a neighborhood dispute in which no one wants to interfere. Several discussions with the educators, but please pay more attention to it, have brought nothing.
We are already ready to move out, if possible to another city, so that the children also have to change school and kindergarten. Unfortunately, the housing market here with us "in the countryside" does not look so bright. In addition, the children would lose their other social contacts and contact with our family.
I just do not know how to go on. Maybe someone else has a tip for me here?
- reply - 1: That sounds terrible. Can not understand that the kindergarten or school does not intervene. Especially when it gets physical or comes to such huge threats, they have to do something. Is there a school psychologist or is there a possibility to find a mediator and have him mediated? That would be the only thing I can think of.
I wish you much strength!
- reply - 2: Phew, that's totally awesome. Is there any way to settle the argument among you parents ??? You're not writing what it's about now. Often these are banal things that you can somehow evict with the help of friends or other neighbors from the world, the peace returns.
Otherwise I would try the school to change kindergarten if they get involved in zero support. And I would threaten the neighbors if that does not stop the police. That would basically be another way to get the first advice from the police.
- reply - 3: Unfortunately nobody is ready to help. Yesterday I had a conversation with an educational counseling center to possibly get advice there. Even those who say that psychological help only comes when we're out of here. And with the people themselves is not to talk. We have already tried this in various ways. Whether it was the joint boss of my husband and the neighbor or our landlady. No chance. And we do not even know why this is because no one expresses himself correctly.
- reply - 4: Since we do not even know what it's all about, we can not resolve the dispute. They have no interest in that. It all started with the neighbor becoming a colleague of my husband and starting to bully my husband in the company. When he was admonished several times by the boss, he quit and we thought it would be quiet. When we, as adults, no longer offered him a point of attack by simply ignoring them, we were left with the children.
- reply - 5: Unfortunately, the police do nothing. Bullying and libel charges have been dismissed with reference to a private claim. And we can not afford private lawsuits.
- reply - 6: I can not believe that nobody is able to do something. Did you get any threats from the children's parents? If so, that would be a reason for the police to get involved!
If you do not get support from any authority, I would try your part to encourage my children to fight back. First only verbal.
Do not let your children live with the feeling that they are helpless and that there is nothing and nobody who can protect them. If they do not learn that now, they will later remain passive and defensive and will be bullied later in life. The other danger is that they may start venting their frustration and pain on others.
If you have the opportunity, enroll the children for a self-defense course. Or even martial arts. It is then your responsibility to explain to them that they are not allowed to use their new abilities to attack! That's very important.
And while your husband might try again to clarify the matter (diplomatically) with the neighbor.
Say in kindergarten, they should pay attention to how this girl deals with your daughter and what she says. Maybe they will talk to the parents themselves.
An undoubtedly very violent situation. I hope you find a way out of there.
- reply - 7: hello blabla10,
Unfortunately, nobody really does anything about it. We've tried everything by now, even turned on a lawyer who should write a letter to our neighbors saying they should not do that. Apparently, however, he saw us not enough earning and has done nothing. Even we have no way to clarify that with these people. The artet from their side only in shouting, the doors are slammed in front of the nose and screamed from inside. Factually, there is nothing left. They do not want that either. This has been going on for three years, but it has never been that bad. They just want us out of the house, no matter how. Why, but nobody really knows. We live here, do our thing, do no great parties, do not break anything, leave everyone alone and do not want to do anything with anyone. Good day, good way and good. And that's probably their problem. That they get nothing out of our lives.The neighbor even tries to ask a colleague of my husband, whom he also knows, about us. It went so far that we stopped the contact with the colleague privately.
I tell my children every day to fight back. That they should alert teachers or educators, if any. In the kindergarten I have held several discussions. They promised to pay attention, but they do not do anything. Yesterday was the first time that my daughter yelled at the girl, she should finally leave her alone. Before that, she ate everything in her for weeks.
My husband now gets verbal abuse from Whatsapp and Facebook messenger from the neighbor.
The only way to escape is to move away. Even if that means I see less family and friends. For me, this is really a problem, as my husband is on the road all week, my parents and siblings are not mobile. So my parents live a few streets away, my sister in the house. That is, if I have a problem, I can quickly put the children in one of them. Or be quick with my parents, because my father is seriously ill with lungs. If I move away, it will be much harder for me. But we do not have another choice. We have to protect our children.
- reply - 8: I would pull away! Now that you've tried everything and nobody wants to help you, that's the last resort! You have to protect your children otherwise they will still mentally unstable! You do not have to choose a city that is so far away but the kids do not have to do it anymore! I do not know how it works for you but for me my children are above everything. Of course it is also stupid because of your father but it brings nothing and that will ruin your children!
- reply - 9: Hello SelinaRaviFinn,
Our children are also above us everything. There is no question that we are moving away. We have been looking for another home for at least two years. Unfortunately, this is not so easy with us in the countryside. Large apartments are usually gone immediately, before you even learn anything about it. Or they are so expensive that you can not afford them. In an apartment, we should easily pay twice the amount of what we pay here. And in the same place. Unfortunately, that is not possible. But we continue to search and find out where something could be released.
The problem is, what do I do in the meantime to protect my children? You are not allowed to go out alone in the yard. The vehicles are, if it is only a short while while we eat or something, in the garage and not left in the yard. Because even this is out of print. We just sneak through the house. For a while every day I picked up my son from school so that he could not be attacked there. But at the age of 9, of course, it's too cool to be picked up by Mama every day. The children know that they can and must fight back. And that nothing can happen to them in the apartment. And not outside while we're at it. Last year, we are constantly from one playground to the next, although we have all the play possibilities here in our garden part, just to keep from that. Even friends, acquaintances and family who come to visit are insulted and insulted.
We want and will definitely move. It's just the horror here. But by the time we get out of here, we have to get through there somehow.
- reply - 10: Since your sister and well-known all this you can make representations to the landlord and complain show you have enough. Demand that he does something. With the lawyer I would have taken another time and not immediately given up.