Stay with the truth. Avoid ambiguous words like "lost" or "sleeping" that could confuse your child.
Expect to repeat your answers many times and assure your child that you are there, loving and caring. (However, if your child does not ask questions about death, it's better to postpone a conversation until he or she wants to talk about the topic on their own.)
Do not worry if your child comes up with memories of the baby that are not reality. It just means that the baby has already portrayed one person for your child, and such stories comfort it in a difficult time.
Here are some questions that toddlers face in such a situation, as well as suggested answers that toddlers will understand.
"What does 'died'?"
Since a toddler can not grasp the lack of physical activity, try to gently explain, "When a person dies, he stops breathing and his body stops working, he no longer eats or sleeps, and he is no more cold or hot, animals die and even plants - every living thing dies. " or "If someone dies, he's gone, and he will not come back." Normally, people and animals do not die until they're old, but sometimes a baby dies while it's still in his mother's stomach is very sad when someone dies whom you love. "
"Why did that happen, was that my fault?"
Guilt is commonplace because young children think that their thoughts and actions affect their environment. If your child is not looking forward to having a sibling, it's important to know that it was not his fault that the baby died.Even if it does not voice these thoughts out loud, you give it the reinsurance: "I want you to know that the baby died because it was no longer fit and his body did not work anymore Something for that to happen, not me and not you. "
"Where is the baby now?"
For toddlers, it is difficult to understand that the baby is not coming back, so they may repeatedly ask, "Where's the baby now?" - in the hope that they will be given a place they know. Stay patient and explain again what "dead" means.
If you educate and Christianize your child, go to church, or sing Christian songs, you can say to him, "The baby is in heaven with God and looks down upon us." If you do not believe in it yourself, you should not tell your child that. An alternative: "Our baby is not with us anymore, it's back where it came from, it's where you were when you were not with us."
"Did dying hurt the baby?"
What happens during a miscarriage can be very confusing for a toddler. Tell him, "No, the baby was still in Mama's stomach, so nothing could hurt him, it just could not keep up and then it died."
"Will you die, too?"
Children often ask questions that shock adults and sound very harsh. What your child actually means is, "Will someone else me Even if your child does not ask directly, it is wise to take the worries about the safety of his life seriously: "I want you to know that I intend to stay here until I am very, very old and you are already grown up. "
"Can we get a new baby now?"
Because adults can repair or replace so much in everyday life, a child can ask themselves whether the baby can also be replaced. Explain the facts to him carefully: "One day we may have a new baby, but it will never replace that baby, this one is dead and never comes back."
When will the baby come back? Is it back for my birthday?
Even if you think that you have explained death so many times, your child does not understand how final and lasting it is. Explain as patiently as possible: "The baby has died, it can not come back and we can not visit it, it will not be here on your birthday.
"Why are you crying?"
If you have just told your toddler that his sibling died, then the question seems strange. But to your child, the meaning of death is still pretty unclear and it now needs help to understand the emotions of those around them. Try to say, "The baby has died and will not come back, and I cry because I miss it so much."